Thursday, January 29, 2009

Men and Friggin' Hair Dye


I would prefer to start this out with a string of profanities. But...I'll try to be a bit objective.

So, let's look at the face of things:

  1. You look like Blago, but you're way younger. So...there's a plus. (You...um...haven't tried to sell anything lately, eh? You know...like your soul, a racetrack, a Senate seat?)
  2. Is that really your hair or are you just happy to see me? Can hair be that "big" on a man and be real?
  3. How'dja decide which part would be blonde, and which would be red?
  4. Didja think anyone would notice how fucking nutty you look?
  5. How much didja make for posing for this photo? I'll bet it's more than I made slaving for the MAN all this month. It's certainly more than it cost me to write and support this friggin' blog.
  6. Are you really blue-eyed, or are those contacts? Once you color your hair so much, you can't even tell your true color yourself, can you?
  7. How's your mom feel about all this? I'll bet she beats you with a wooden spoon whenever you come home. 'I....DIDN'T....TEACH...YOU...TO...BE...THIS...FLAMBOYANT.'
  8. I'll further bet you like it.
  9. I'll double further bet your mom dresses you.
  10. Dude. Baby blue ties don't go with fake red hair. See: Men's Wearhouse 101.

1 comment:

Static said...

Ha ha!

I bet that he didn't dye that rat's nest. I bet it's not even a wig.

That leaves only one explanation, it's a dead fox that curled up on top his head many weeks ago. He decided to leave it there to hide a hideous patchy hair loss and subsequent ice cream swirled comb-over. He was quite the hair disadvantaged individual.

But you'd never know it now!
I have to say this new look is less conspicuous than his aforementioned coif predicament.