Thursday, February 26, 2009

Shannon Doherty's Hangover Hair vs. Spider Leg Hair Guy

Freaky. Freaky. Freaky.

I can't decide who is worse.

Shannon Doherty's composite character of Courtney Cruela Addams?

Or this soccer guy right here:

He sure is loco. Um...dude...when you shaved your bald-ass head this morning. You forgot to put your pet spider away. He's still sitting right there, on your forehead. I'm concerned he's going to fall off, and...[obligatory PETA reference insert]'ll squish him while chasing down the ball.

It's even worse, in my humble opinion, than Shelob the Tarantula.

Yep. I've made my decision. Having bad friggin' hair days myself, now and then, I can forgive Doherty's hangover hair.

But Spider Leg Hair Guy? You take the cake. You win this week's Bad Friggin' Hair award.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Academy Award-Winning Artichoke Dress

WTF is wrong with this picture?

Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana (whom, I'm proud to say, my kids think is friggin' boring), showed up at the Academy Awards tonight in a dress that looks like an artichoke.

Why be so hateful, Miley? Why aren't you dressed like a tomato? A potato (or po-tat-o)? What have you against squash? Don't you think broccoli and carrots and cauli-for-nia feel left out?

I'm going to call Al Sharpton as soon as I post this. You are egregious and vegacist, and you need to be stopped!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Amazing Limp-Wristed Terrorist

C'mon! Now...turn a blind eye.

Jean Akhbar had a VERY bad upbringing. French mom...Islamic dad. He was torn between two worlds...Should I be a white-flag-waving whore? Should I be a cowardly-islamofascist-terrorist?


When you're this fruity...everything's a mystery. Including where you hide the bomb.

DAMMIT, OSAMA. You didn't teach me this in that Afghani cave. BUT, oh! did I teach YOU a thing or two!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

At Long Last! Cousin IT

I've had a trim...a dye....and a sex change...but I still won't show my face. I'm a shy devil, you see. And I'm hip (cool people wear purple). Who needs to see anyway?

Umm...sir...sir...can you show me where my drink is?

Now...I'm bored. If only Gomez were here to blow up the model trains or something.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Fugly Marilyn

I think I know why Marilyn Manson (aka Brian Hugh Warner) wears so much makeup. And it has nothing to do with the tradition of shock rock dating back to equally bizarre (but likeable, in a strange way) Alice Cooper:

Marilyn's just plain fugly.

I can dig some of your tunes, Marilyn, being an eclectic wacko who owns plenty of Beethoven and even more Overkill...but look at you I cannot.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I'm Too Sexy for My...Chest Hair

"I'm...too sexy for my shirt...too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts..."

Sorry, pal...the heart thing makes me want to tear my eyes out.

Bad friggin' idea. Right Said Fred you ain't.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Metal-driving Medusa Hair

Brain Fair, singer for the metal band Shadow's Fall, has some really whacked out hair.

I'm quite certain I see fangs in those strands. If he's a gorgon, it's troubling that he'd be turning his listeners to stone (particularly in this economy...and with the sad state of affairs in the music industry). Surely his record company would be troubled by dwindling sales...not because the music sucks but because no one's left to buy it.

If I were the band's manager, I'd definitely convince him to go for something more wholesome. There's always the Nikki Sixx smack addict look. Chicks dig that shit, man.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Mr. Mohawk

I always wanted one of these as a kid (a little disclosure: The Sex Pistols and The Clash were among my first favorite bands). Luckily for my Mom, I didn't get one.

She probably would have disowned me. Lord knows I gave her enough other reasons. (And, yes, she stops by here now and then, so I'll avoid the details.)

I wonder if this guy's mom still loves him, particularly since he's now staring (and starring) on and Bad Friggin' Hair.

Probably. Doesn't he have a face only a mother could love?

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Goat Head Hair be's a hat...made out of hair...but still. WHY? Artist Nagi Noda, creator of the hair hats, is nutty as a fruit bat.

Another Nagi Noda creation:

Wholly Friggin' Crap!

Monday, February 2, 2009

OMG! I Like Your Hair

Pshyeah! Scotty...your scalp itches because you have coutties in your unisex hair....

Here's the youth of today, America. Hope you like your future leaders: