Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Bud Head

You have to wonder if this guy is growing bud up there. A statement is a statement, but this is too much.

I think this nappy hair needs a comb.

Psst! The shower's this way!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Bad Friggin' Tooth Scene

There comes a time when a man should deviate from writing about hair, and this is one of them.

"I've never done this on national TV before..." And I'm betting you wish you hadn't, now that you're on every blogger's website west of the Gaza Strip, doll.

You know, I've got bad teeth...or soon to be missing teeth. I'll tell you what, Kirsten Haglund, aka Miss America: I'll look you up when I'm toothless and not so old. Just for some pointers on tooth popping.

And you were expecting Wayne Brady to break into song and dance?

Crazy Bitch Bingo Hair (Ode to Cynthia McKinney)

Not long ago, a friend of mine ran across a flyer in a major metropolitan area about the game Crazy Bitch Bingo. Needless to say, the fun was occurring long after his bedtime, so he never investigated (but he shared his story...several times).

Looking at the dishonorable former Georgia Congresswoman and...ahem!..."Green Party" Presidential Candidate Cynthia McKinney, I'd like to believe that the winner that night had a shocking look all too similar to the one in this photo.

Then again, maybe that's just Cynthia's reaction to having the yacht she was on rammed by an Israeli naval ship and its crew and cargo called "terrorists" and ordered to turn back to Crete.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Freaky Fashion Femmes

To be truthful, bad taste is implicit in the term "fashion models," along with anorexia, drug abuse, and NFL boyfriends. But this...well...this is really Bad Friggin' Hair.

These dolls, and I do mean as in "Barbie" (just look how plastic they appear!), have got it all wrong. Freaky hair and funky hats weren't really en vogue last time I walked down the main street of a major city (um, this morning!).

And, Miss Bottom Center, excuse me, but: Is that a crow's ass on your head?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Tennis Ball Head

There's something seriously wrong with a man who wants to look like a tennis ball. First, he likes tennis. Second, he likes the color yellow.

Who knows, maybe he's just jaundice and I'm really mean for making fun of him. But I have my doubts.

Hell, what do I know? This is probably some movement that I'm too old to know about. Maybe Tennis Ball Heads will become all the rage, the next Emos. Whatever it is, it ain't normal guy stuff; to me, it's just more of the girly men madness talking over the planet.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


We all keep little secrets about ourselves, even photos we don't want to share. Barack Obama probably didn't want this one to get out. What I really want to know is: What's he smoking?

(Full disclosure: I had a fro bigger than his, but I was only 9, and minors don't count on this website...unless...of're dumb enough to post something like this on the Internet.)

As a matter of fact, I'm sure there's a certain person in Seattle trying right now to find an embarrassing photo of me from college. I'll make sure to post it here when she does.


Hmm... some Hawaiian punch, perhaps?

Sunday, December 21, 2008 the Nude...WHY?

Bruce Elliot, the Chicago artist who painted Sarah Palin nude and hung the painting in his wife's bar, the Old Town Ale House, has a new project: Painting Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich in the nude.

It's called The Cavity Search.


To his credit, at least he got the hair right.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Extreme Bad Hair Day

I have to say this is probably the worst bad hair day ever recorded on film. It's kinda cruel to post this, but...well...she did put it on the Internet....


So what if it's an's still a friggin' riot.

Friday, December 19, 2008

My Man Linc

If you were a kid in the '70s and early '80s and didn't eventually see every episode of "The Mod Squad" after school, you had evil parents who wouldn't buy a TV. My all-time favorite character was Linc. He bled cool. The man was Superfly. He made Sidney Poitier look like Archie Bunker.

No way can I beat up on this guy. A fro this big has my first and only Great Friggin' Hair award.

Attack of the Human Tarantula

I have to say, I'm afraid of this gal. I suspect she has an Uzi stashed in that ample head of hair. She reminds me of Shelob, the giant spider in "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King." The more I look at her, the more I'm certain she's going to whip out a giant stinger and make me her lunch.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Pee Wee's Big Adventure

Paul Reubens (aka, Pee Wee Herman) never could get over portraying an effeminate bizarre man with so much grease in his hair he looked like he'd come from a womb....And then there's the fact that he rode a tricked out bicycle and hung out with little children.

Especially after that little incident at the movies.

Imagine having to get into character in 2003, as he did below. Bluetooth and all. Oh My Gosh!


Why is it that some people insist on being so unique they disrespect good, law-abiding creatures, such as a tree (or Bullwinkle, I'm really not friggin' sure what's going on here).

The only thing I do know is that I'm locking my doors right now...well...just as soon as I stop typing and post this damned nonsense. "Hey. Honey? Where's the chainsaw?"

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Britney's Good Ole Days

You know, I love a good success story, particularly those of the fallen idol risen again.'s just not the same having Britney Spears back in action, all clean and proper, not showing her nature (and nature parts...that is, wearing underwear) and hiding her roots.

Gosh, I pine for the old days of bedlam. A star's self-degradation is a thing of beauty. After all, it comes around once every 5 seconds or so. What was it Yeats said? Oh. That's right: "What rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?"

I guess we're left with nothing except to tune in for the next movie of the week. Speaking of which: Hey, Lindsay? When's your next escapade? I'm getting bored over here watching a comeback.

What's With The Color Orange, Already?

I don't know what it is about women and the color orange. Why one would wear orange clothing is a mystery; why one would dye her hair orange...and only some of a friggin secret floating through the universe inside some space junk.

Here we have Alexis Gadson, courtesy of mugshotdujour. She's got such a face a mother could love, don't she? "Don'chu come up inheya and take no picture of me!"

[By the way, I'm an equal opportunity offender offender. Just ask our friend Trevor Newbauer.]

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Fairly Normal '80s Chick

If you survived the '80s, you've probably dated this girl. I know I did...about a dozen different times. I think her name was Candi. Oh. That's right. They were a dozen different girls with the same hair.

Orange You Glad She's a Mess?

Jeez...that's one wild do, Tori. Did you stand under the candy coating dumper in the M&M factory, or were you planning to wear your Halloween costume for a year?

Monday, December 15, 2008

Holy Friggin' Girly Boy

You know, I hate it when men forget to be men. What's the point of looking like a girl when you...well...look like a girl? Fact is, Emos spend so much time trying to be different -- BY LOOKING LIKE EVERY OTHER EMO -- that they defeat the purpose of being different. (Not to mention slighting the male race, as I've written elsewhere.)

Want to be different? For your generation? Get a friggin' job and pay your way through college.

The Wolfman

When I was a kid, Wolfman Jack was still cool. He had hair (everywhere) and a voice so deep you really thought he was the Wolfman. Lon Chaney gave me nightmares, but Wolfman made me want to be a show man.

This dude? He's got a long way to go to be this dude:

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Mozart Rip Off

Boston Symphony music director laureate Seiji Ozawa has some serious Amadeus envy. (Either that, or he's spending a little too much time near the sound board.) Let it be said, the hair does not the man make. See It's ELECTRIC.

Fear for Their Children

Let's hope Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter don't reproduce. The teasing in grade school could lead to suicide. (By the way, Tim...can I suggest new sun glasses?)

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Whino Nights (and Days)

Holy crap, Batman. Amy Winehouse needs to invest in a hairstylist. The Beehive is...well...even my mother got rid of hers before I was born (in, ahem, the 1960s). There's really nothing more to say...

Bad Friggin' Everything

I'm not really sure where to start. My eyes would be drawn to the hair, except I'm distracted by the braces and the mouth the size of the English Channel. Then I see the drooping chin. Then the awful chest tattoo.

I think this girl, "American Idol" winner Fantasia Barrino, has a lot of problems -- and I'm going to choose to stay on topic: She's got really bad friggin' hair. She's certainly a "don't look below the hairline" kind of gal.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Bill and Hill, Hippy Daze

Yes, it's grainy and wotnot, but even the Klintoons had Bad Friggin' Hair once. Bill's now gone gray, perchance a stress response to his philandering. (Why would you want more than one woman in your life at a time, anyway?) Hill's all providential and stately, getting ready to enforce her worldly influence on friends in China and those in a cave somewhere on the Afghanistan-Pakistan border.

The Donald

This is the comb-over of ANY century, if you ask me. You'd think Donald Trump would take all the money he borrows (and can't pay back) and at least get some implants. Sheesh!

Weird Al (What Else Hasn't He Copied?)

Well...there's not much to say here...I guess Weird Al Yankovic just couldn't Eat It forever.... He wasn't feeling Like A Surgeon anymore.... He had Lost On Jeopardy too many times.

It was inevitable he would have a Bad Hair Day.

Beded Head

Lindsay Lohan holds up the V sign, presumably because she's just come from a hot night with two other people (I'm not saying which sex). Maybe I'm too crass, but, c'mon...look at the hair, the facial expression, the outfit, the...are you not getting the picture here?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Mullet Gone Wild

Here, of course, is a classic. Mr. Trevor Newbauer, in his mugshot. Gee. I wonder if he ever Googles his own name. I'm betting he thinks it's funny, the crowning achievement of his life.


I had one of these in the 70s...when I was 10. The kids called me treetop. These days I keep it close.

This guy? I don't know if he has a fascination with 220 voltage or if he's going for a world record. Just the same: Dude, have you heard of gel?

Sinéad O'Connor Style

It wasn't a good look for Sinéad O'Connor, and it sure didn't work here for Ashley Olsen, either.

The Rug Look

Soon-to-be-former governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich has really perfected this look. Makes you wanna walk up and grab that shag, tug, and take it home for your front porch stoop.

Hell, that head of hair is so good, it deserves a cameo, all profile-like: