I would prefer to start this out with a string of profanities. But...I'll try to be a bit objective.
So, let's look at the face of things:
- You look like Blago, but you're way younger. So...there's a plus. (You...um...haven't tried to sell anything lately, eh? You know...like your soul, a racetrack, a Senate seat?)
- Is that really your hair or are you just happy to see me? Can hair be that "big" on a man and be real?
- How'dja decide which part would be blonde, and which would be red?
- Didja think anyone would notice how fucking nutty you look?
- How much didja make for posing for this photo? I'll bet it's more than I made slaving for the MAN all this month. It's certainly more than it cost me to write and support this friggin' blog.
- Are you really blue-eyed, or are those contacts? Once you color your hair so much, you can't even tell your true color yourself, can you?
- How's your mom feel about all this? I'll bet she beats you with a wooden spoon whenever you come home. 'I....DIDN'T....TEACH...YOU...TO...BE...THIS...FLAMBOYANT.'
- I'll further bet you like it.
- I'll double further bet your mom dresses you.
- Dude. Baby blue ties don't go with fake red hair. See: Men's Wearhouse 101.