2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss May

Just the girl to warm your heart as spring washes away the memories of a hard winter.

2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss April

This babe might be more jokeresque than The Wicked Witch of Congress. To quote Frank Zappa: "With a tongue like a cow/she could make you go wow" ... and then you'd throw up and kill yourself.

2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss March

Now, this is what I'd call a double feature, a creature feature but double nonetheless.

2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss February

I'm not even sure my dog would wait at the front door for this to come home. And my dog has waited for me each day for 12 years, 50-pound mole and all...

2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss January

I came across 12 images that demand being posted in serialized form because of their beauty and grace and style. These are the hottest women I've ever seen. I think you'll agree.

Here's the first...

Bad Friggin' Pyro Photo

Ma and Pa always had a weird taste for family photos. Once, when I was young, they made me climb down into the baboon pit at the zoo for a photo. The baboons really liked it, but I sure didn't enjoy washing poo from my hair for a week.

Then there was the time we saw our first freeway. Pa made the entire family stand on the double yellow line while a hitchhiker took our picture. Sadly, that's how we lost little Jimmy, but we made up for it by building this barn in his memory.

Oh...I guess that didn't work out too well, did it.

Via Awkward Family Photos.com

Bad Friggin' Michael Jackson Halloween Costume

Supposedly Michael Jackson costumes are going to be hot for Halloween this year.

Just not this one.

Here's yet another person who didn't think that putting their personal photos on the Internet would lead to them being posted on some unscrupulous individual's blog.

Bad Friggin' Mugshot Reward

Wanted: John Mayer's goofy mugshot, for $25,000

Found: by either Smoking Gun or TMZ, depending on who gives a shit

Bad Friggin' Split

I just want to know how the hell this is possible. It's a simple question, and I'm pretty sure I'll never get an answer, not even a scientific one.

Oh...and do you like bowling alleys?

To the headless dude standing next to he/she/it, here's my advice: I wouldn't wait around to watch he/she/it get back up; it could be life threatening.

h/t: People of Walmart

Bad Friggin' Stripper

Candi wanted to be a stripper so badly, but club owners always showed her the door because of her size. When she came across Midget-Bing one night, she knew she'd found the place of her dreams. She's been grinding the pole there ever since.

h/t: bluebeerriver

Bad Friggin' Mullets

It's been a while since I ventured into the unsavory world of mulletry, but I found some choice ones today over at Mullet Junky.

Bobby Jim climbed out of the Porta John, where he'd bathed for the first time in a week, and opened the water bottle in which he'd poured last night's warm leftover Budweiser and let the hot backdraft from Jeff Gordon's stock car dry his hair during each pass around the track.



Eric's first day on the job was ruined when he found out the HR lady would be snapping a photo and posting it on the company website, for mullet enthusiasts everywhere to pass around freely among twisted little blogs like this one.



Ahmed was devastated when his brothers at the mosque called him a retard and banished him. The imam even said, "You're supposed to grow a long beard, not a long mullet. Infidel. Be gone, by the grace of Allah, before we cut off your head!"

Bad Friggin' Family Portrait

Joey insisted that he wasn't an ass. But when his wife, Pooh, and his Son, Tigger, made him dress up like one for the family portrait, he proved himself infinitely an ass, for all the world to see, on the Internet, forever.

And even Eeyore would appreciate that sarcasm, Joey.

Michael Jackson's Still Important, Except to Me

In case anyone has forgotten, MJ is still on the minds of many.

Except me...because just the mention of the guy, in addition to bringing up memories of lurid tales of His Freakishness' freakishness, really brings to mind my teenage years, and the person to whom I owe more of my snarkish development than pretty much anyone else on the planet:

Weird Al Yankovic - Eat It
Uploaded by jpdc11. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Or...my personal favorite and (these days) personal fight:

Weird Al Yankovic - I'm Fat
Uploaded by Usher1985. - Click for more funny videos.

Cross-posted at one of my other nutty hangouts, The Big Feed.

Apparently, Dude Didn't Get The Voicemail

Um...is this the monster truck rally?

Via DragYouToHell, h/t: Conservative Grapevine

Perez Hilton, Black Eyed Please

I consider this a vast improvement. Too bad Carrie Prejean wasn't around during the Black Eyed Pea beating...to kick him in the nuts.

Oh...that's right...he hasn't any. He's a eunuch.

Via: Freaking News

And the Winner of the World's Ugliest Dog Contest Is...

Grimm's Ugly Pictures

Not really...but Ms. Mushroom Head would be a good contestant...at least in a Don King look-a-like gig, no?

BTW: Just how can they pick on ugly dogs -- the canine kind -- anyway? That's just wrong. Soooo wrong.

I Don't Want Him, You Can Have Him, He's Too Queer For Me

Inside the mind of Bill Kaulitz: "Hmm. Let me think. Did I use enough hairspray? Is my eye piercing too cool or what? Will I impress them with my t-shirt? Does my orange jacket look like it came from a Michael Jackson yard sale? Does my guyliner make me look gay?"

So many questions...so little reason to care about the answers.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: that would be "queer" in the correct sense of the word: Eccentric, Bizarre, Nutty, Counterfeit, Worthless....but if you want to take it another way, be my guest.

Bad Friggin' Spider

This mother, and I do mean mother, is the goods. If I had power like that...well...I wouldn't be taking Friday afternoon off to blog....


h/t: The West Virginia Blogger

The MouthMan Prophecies

Webshots

1. He who drink too much and leave mouth open wait for fly to come home.

2. Really, man...I mean it...you have to pay for this ride.

3. I don't know what you're thinking, Bob, but no girl's going to think that look's a good come on.

4. Yes, Bob. Your hair is your most attractive feature.

5. I swear. Adam Lambert really didn't win American Idol!

Bad Friggin' Signs

Little Jimmy's dreams came true.

He was able to pick up a new Silk Spectre II and complete his Watchmen figure collection, then ogle a girl in orange hot pants who looked not so much like her, but Jimmy just didn't care.

Stinky People Have Rights Too

...so said Sen. Livefree Stumblebum as he introduced his Smelly Rights Bill to Congress, pointing out the penalty for calling the stinky stinky was death by autoerotic asphyxiation.

The measure was expected to pass both houses of Congress tonight unanimously. The president said he will sign the bill next week, after rolling in (more) pig shit.

h/t: Are We Lumberjacks? via Moonbattery

Bad Friggin' Sasquatch Shave

Ricky didn't want to admit that he was the star of the famous Sasquatch video, but when his shaved image appeared on a website beside Bigfoot himself, there was no denying his past.

"Hey, it was just a role, like this male prostitute thing. It paid the bills back then, better than my gig does now."

h/t: Bits & Pieces

Bad Friggin' Flasher

Aki didn't intend to become a flasher, but when she started riding the subway to and from school each day, she had to go with the urge.

h/t: uphaa

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Suki really wanted to tell her stepmother she was into the butch look, but Mother had already forbidden her to cut her hair. This is why on New Year's Day she secretly plans to drug Mother and shave her head and sell the hair for passage on a tramp steamer to Antarctica, where there is a serious tramp shortage due to global warming.

"It Was Like a Dog Meowing"

That's Simon Cowell's summation of the pipes of this lad (lass?).

Metallica would say he's "The Thing that Should Not Be," even though he can sing circles around most "male sopranos."

Emo Fuck-all

Sherry, terrified her mother would find out about her new fangs, plucked her eyes out and offered them to a passing duck. The duck demurred to a resident cockroach, who gratefully fed her children while pointing out the slippery slope that came with obtaining nose rings.

Bad Friggin' Ass

Jerry's mother told him he'd get too fat sitting naked in front of the computer.

But he NEEEVERRRR listened.

Phil Spector Mugshot

I'm reminded of a ghoul on Scooby Doo. Or of Jacko's twisted face.

Would you like to like to see my smoking gun?

Stripper Pole Fails

No introduction needed, really...enjoy these bouncing babes:

More funny videos from the "Top 10 Stripper Pole Fails" channel at Heavy.com

From heavy.com.

Drunk Friggin' Hair

I've been known to sauce it up a bit now and then, these days more so in the privacy of my own home than in the company of others in public. I know how stupid I can look.

Like this guy:


Dude...take my word for it. You don't need ridiculous hair to look like a fool. You've got being a fool down pat, man. Bottoms up!

Mop Hair

Jeez, Christine Aguilera's career must really suck if she's doing this to herself. Bleached hair...dark makeup...fleshy cheeks...I think that dude's dirty naked foot is in better shape than her. I'll bet his hair doesn't look like a used mop.

PortaJohn

When you gotta go, why not go as you go? It's certainly just as convenient as this:

Rainbow ZigZag Mohawk Friggin' Hair

I'm a bad blog daddy. Posting every 5 or 6 or 7 days isn't very indulgent of me. My apologies. My master over at Feed Your ADHD has me tied to a 1932 Royal Signet Serial #E5903 typewriter, banging out all of that domestic terrorist hate speech over there.

Then there's this guy, who's roped me into doing a column called the Weekly WTF?! (for "Washington Total Fails!," you dirty-minded bastard...or bitch!).

The GOOD NEWS is: I have done some research, and found hundreds of photos for your entertainment. So I'll at least try to be more indulgent of you, and post more often.

For starters, there's this:


And I'm not really sure what the hell he's going for. I remember the punker experience being about total nonconformity, so much so that the cuts punkers recorded were bereft of studio enhancement.

I digged that...then. But not now.

I'm not suggesting the guy visit a hair studio...not in this friggin' economy...but I do think it's best for nonconforming rainbow zigzag Mohawk hair guy to find a barber, preferably one with a straight razor, post haste.

Fake Friggin' Body Hair

Um...I'm sorta...wondering...

WHY???!!!!

"Fashion," or what passes for it, is mysteriously beyond my understanding. I guess I'm just from the 1950s and like my women, ahem, groomed. Even the fake appearance of that much body hair on a woman makes me shudder.

Who dreams this crap up anyway? And better yet, who friggin' pays for it?

I date a girl and she takes off her clothes and shows me THOSE undies, I'll let her date the dog instead.

Miss Frizzy Mohawk

Stay the hell away from this babe.

She's so hot, she'll fry your nubber to a stubber before she even sees it. She's got AC built in, all 220v, 24/7. She makes a punker jealous. No shaving the sides and slathering Crisco on the rest needed for effect.

Don't plug in! She'll blow your transformer...

...Or, she might be a dandelion running to seed.

Either way, she's a dangerous bird.

h/t: Daily Jocose picdump

Phantom of the Jacko

X17

WTF?

You'd think Jacko was walking through a sci-fi nightmare, barely trying to survive, hiding from the evil gorgon invaders.

Well...this WAS taken in Hollywood.

HeSheIt gets stranger every day. I wonder if hesheit is really trying to hide the latest plastic surgery behind that mask. I'm betting that nose, by now, looks like a penis.

Bad Friggin' She-Mullet Hair

We have, of course, the whacked Mayor to thank for this monstrosity.

If I comment further, those dudes with black suits and sunglasses just outside my door are poised to haul me away.

But...

I just can't resist.

So...

The girls on the mat are NOT going to come back to your hotel room. You do NOT classify as groupies. And if you get any closer, security for USA Gymnastics is just going to have to ask you to take a flying leap.

Coolio(Cornholio)'s Bad Friggin' Yarn Hat

TMZ

WTF?

Coolio either thinks he's the top of the friggin' cocks, as in peacocks, or he's got a thing for black yarn sticking out of his hats.

Maybe he just wanted something on his hat to match his hair.

Who calls them self "Coolio," anyway? You know what it makes me think of?

"I AM CORNHOLIO! I need TP for my bung hole. My bung hole will eat now!"

Fiber Optic Hair

Please don't tell me this woman will be coming to the door with a Verizon suit to install "Fios" in my home. I'm guessing that would plug me into her bizzare brain?

Didn't this look die with the '80s?


Um....Yey...I'm thinking it did.

Britney Getting Her Bald On

Oh...do I miss the old days when she was nuts...shaving here...shaving there...shaving everywhere.


Britney Spears Goes Bald - Click here for funny video clips

Shannon Doherty's Hangover Hair vs. Spider Leg Hair Guy

Freaky. Freaky. Freaky.

I can't decide who is worse.

Shannon Doherty's composite character of Courtney Cruela Addams?

Or this soccer guy right here:

He sure is loco. Um...dude...when you shaved your bald-ass head this morning. You forgot to put your pet spider away. He's still sitting right there, on your forehead. I'm concerned he's going to fall off, and...[obligatory PETA reference insert]...you'll squish him while chasing down the ball.

It's even worse, in my humble opinion, than Shelob the Tarantula.

Yep. I've made my decision. Having bad friggin' hair days myself, now and then, I can forgive Doherty's hangover hair.

But Spider Leg Hair Guy? You take the cake. You win this week's Bad Friggin' Hair award.

Academy Award-Winning Artichoke Dress

WTF is wrong with this picture?

Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana (whom, I'm proud to say, my kids think is friggin' boring), showed up at the Academy Awards tonight in a dress that looks like an artichoke.

Why be so hateful, Miley? Why aren't you dressed like a tomato? A potato (or po-tat-o)? What have you against squash? Don't you think broccoli and carrots and cauli-for-nia feel left out?

I'm going to call Al Sharpton as soon as I post this. You are egregious and vegacist, and you need to be stopped!

The Amazing Limp-Wristed Terrorist

C'mon! Now...turn a blind eye.

Jean Akhbar had a VERY bad upbringing. French mom...Islamic dad. He was torn between two worlds...Should I be a white-flag-waving whore? Should I be a cowardly-islamofascist-terrorist?

Decisions...decisions....

When you're this fruity...everything's a mystery. Including where you hide the bomb.

DAMMIT, OSAMA. You didn't teach me this in that Afghani cave. BUT, oh! did I teach YOU a thing or two!

At Long Last! Cousin IT

I've had a trim...a dye....and a sex change...but I still won't show my face. I'm a shy devil, you see. And I'm hip (cool people wear purple). Who needs to see anyway?

Umm...sir...sir...can you show me where my drink is?

Now...I'm bored. If only Gomez were here to blow up the model trains or something.

Fugly Marilyn

From TMZ's "Guyliner" series

I think I know why Marilyn Manson (aka Brian Hugh Warner) wears so much makeup. And it has nothing to do with the tradition of shock rock dating back to equally bizarre (but likeable, in a strange way) Alice Cooper:

Marilyn's just plain fugly.

I can dig some of your tunes, Marilyn, being an eclectic wacko who owns plenty of Beethoven and even more Overkill...but look at you I cannot.

I'm Too Sexy for My...Chest Hair

"I'm...too sexy for my shirt...too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts..."

Sorry, pal...the heart thing makes me want to tear my eyes out.

Bad friggin' idea. Right Said Fred you ain't.

Metal-driving Medusa Hair

Brain Fair, singer for the metal band Shadow's Fall, has some really whacked out hair.

I'm quite certain I see fangs in those strands. If he's a gorgon, it's troubling that he'd be turning his listeners to stone (particularly in this economy...and with the sad state of affairs in the music industry). Surely his record company would be troubled by dwindling sales...not because the music sucks but because no one's left to buy it.

If I were the band's manager, I'd definitely convince him to go for something more wholesome. There's always the Nikki Sixx smack addict look. Chicks dig that shit, man.