Stinky People Have Rights Too

...so said Sen. Livefree Stumblebum as he introduced his Smelly Rights Bill to Congress, pointing out the penalty for calling the stinky stinky was death by autoerotic asphyxiation.

The measure was expected to pass both houses of Congress tonight unanimously. The president said he will sign the bill next week, after rolling in (more) pig shit.

h/t: Are We Lumberjacks? via Moonbattery

Bad Friggin' Sasquatch Shave

Ricky didn't want to admit that he was the star of the famous Sasquatch video, but when his shaved image appeared on a website beside Bigfoot himself, there was no denying his past.

"Hey, it was just a role, like this male prostitute thing. It paid the bills back then, better than my gig does now."

h/t: Bits & Pieces

Bad Friggin' Flasher

Aki didn't intend to become a flasher, but when she started riding the subway to and from school each day, she had to go with the urge.

h/t: uphaa

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Suki really wanted to tell her stepmother she was into the butch look, but Mother had already forbidden her to cut her hair. This is why on New Year's Day she secretly plans to drug Mother and shave her head and sell the hair for passage on a tramp steamer to Antarctica, where there is a serious tramp shortage due to global warming.

"It Was Like a Dog Meowing"

That's Simon Cowell's summation of the pipes of this lad (lass?).

Metallica would say he's "The Thing that Should Not Be," even though he can sing circles around most "male sopranos."

Emo Fuck-all

Sherry, terrified her mother would find out about her new fangs, plucked her eyes out and offered them to a passing duck. The duck demurred to a resident cockroach, who gratefully fed her children while pointing out the slippery slope that came with obtaining nose rings.

Bad Friggin' Ass

Jerry's mother told him he'd get too fat sitting naked in front of the computer.

But he NEEEVERRRR listened.