Bad Friggin' Hair

Bad Friggin Crossdresser, Steve Jobs, At Piece At Last

2011-08-27T01:38:00.004-04:00

Saying this guy is a good piece of ass is, well, snarky. Good luck with your retirement, dude. Or is it dudette?

Bad Friggin' Prom Fail

2010-05-09T08:41:00.003-04:00

Oh ... it gets better, much better. Check out 140 Freaking Awesome Prom Fail Photos.

Bad Friggin' Idea

2010-05-07T20:36:00.003-04:00

Sandy slipped on her full-body condom and went out to the corner to pick up some tricks. Strangely, all of the cars heading down the street went into tailspins and turned around and left long stinking trails of tire rubber as they disappeared in the direction from which they had come.

Image via that dirty old man, Woodsterman.

Bad Friggin' Personal Ad

2010-04-17T08:44:00.003-04:00

Hi, I'm a douchebag. I have the unlucky habit of picking on off-duty police officers and little girls and vomiting on them intentionally.

I tend to beat myself for a black-eye effect because I'm really a cross-dresser but can't afford makeup.

I like long walks in the jailhouse basement with the sisters and have no future. Someday I'll be a star at familywatchdog.us.

What Every Parent Needs

2010-04-12T11:13:00.002-04:00

A singing wolf-dog babysitter...

Via Pogpog

Bad Friggin' Big Hair

2010-03-30T16:31:00.005-04:00

Image via Awkward Family Photos

I'll bet the sperm donor was bald.

2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss July

2010-03-20T08:04:00.004-04:00

Ah, July

The month when the corn's four feet tall in the heartland but it's all being cultivated for conversion to ethanol, when the pennant races are heating up in Major League Baseball and HGH couldn't be more en vogue, when, thanks to this hot momma, McDonald's and Burger King and Wendy's begin to ask their customers, "Do you want to quadruple that order?"

Mmmmm. I don't want her you can have her she's too hot for me.

At Least She Warns You

2010-03-03T12:28:00.002-05:00

Via iOwnTheWorld

Bad Friggin' Place to Snort Drugs

2010-03-03T10:29:00.002-05:00

Not a lot of brains in this one:

The 26-year-old was lining up the powdered drugs on the roof of the car in a disco car park, when the two police officers surprised him, a Nuremberg police spokesman said on Tuesday.

The man had no idea the vehicle belonged to the police, and it was coincidence that the officers - who were walking by their parked car - discovered him just as he was about to take the drugs.

"He's got horrible luck," said Bert Rauenbusch, police spokesman in the southern German city.

Bad Friggin' Tattoo

2010-03-02T14:34:00.002-05:00

Marky was finally able to fulfill his life-long dream of making his body resemble the lunacy that went on inside his mind.

Bad Friggin' Tan

2010-03-02T14:22:00.003-05:00

Nancy was so progressive she had skin pigmentation surgery. She was devastated, however, to learn afterward that the surgeons removed her hair ... and replaced it with a horse tail.

Years later, she found happiness again after falling in love with the Pillsbury dough boy's son.

This is their wedding photo.

Via Mitchieville

Bad Friggin' Dog Day

2010-03-01T11:56:00.003-05:00

Pit bull vs. porcupine. ... Clearly the victory was decisive.

2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss June

2010-02-25T19:25:00.005-05:00

I got her down at the swap and shop. Traded a horse, a cord of wood, and a bent shovel for her. She's worked out well. Plows the field a lot better than that damned horse did. The chompers are a bit of a problem, though. Especially when she takes them out.

Wild Thing #2's Bad Friggin' Hair Day

2010-02-05T22:37:00.006-05:00

For those of you who've never met me (and that would include everyone but Mom and Matt at Conservative Hideout and a few others), you can't tell by the words I write that I have curly hair. You also can't tell that I'm a perfect 10. To retarded Martians (I really have to thank Rahmbo for reviving that word).

But you can bet your sweet ass that my progeny ... oh, yes, fiendish trolls ... I have procreated ... are blessed with hair that grabs hold of a comb or brush and won't let go.

Case in point ... here's Wild Thing #2 trying to demonstrate her independence ... so help me God:

Doesn't everyone have a plastic appendage on their head?

I WILL SMITE YOU DOWN WITH MY EVIL WAND. MUUUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

DUDE! Take this brush and shove it.

Bad Friggin' Crossdresser

2010-02-04T11:37:00.007-05:00

Shit, man. Here's a new blogging rule: If you're going to average one post a month, make it count.

This should do ...

Via People of Walmart

Do you think he's wearing underwear beneath all that? Here's a better question: Guess his name?

Want to know something even funnier? You too could be a crossdresser simply by clicking this.

Extreme Pole Dancing

2010-01-18T10:58:00.003-05:00

Swiped from McGoo

Readers often tell me they like my occasional posts about pole dancing. Perhaps not so much any more.

2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss May

2009-12-15T04:06:00.003-05:00

Just the girl to warm your heart as spring washes away the memories of a hard winter.

2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss April

2009-12-09T18:13:00.004-05:00

This babe might be more jokeresque than The Wicked Witch of Congress. To quote Frank Zappa: "With a tongue like a cow/she could make you go wow" ... and then you'd throw up and kill yourself.

2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss March

2009-11-20T20:57:00.003-05:00

Now, this is what I'd call a double feature, a creature feature but double nonetheless.

2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss February

2009-11-17T22:55:00.004-05:00

I'm not even sure my dog would wait at the front door for this to come home. And my dog has waited for me each day for 12 years, 50-pound mole and all...

2010 Women of West Virginia Pinups -- Miss January

2009-11-16T14:44:00.003-05:00

I came across 12 images that demand being posted in serialized form because of their beauty and grace and style. These are the hottest women I've ever seen. I think you'll agree.

Here's the first...

Bad Friggin' Pyro Photo

2009-10-02T16:35:00.004-04:00

Ma and Pa always had a weird taste for family photos. Once, when I was young, they made me climb down into the baboon pit at the zoo for a photo. The baboons really liked it, but I sure didn't enjoy washing poo from my hair for a week.

Then there was the time we saw our first freeway. Pa made the entire family stand on the double yellow line while a hitchhiker took our picture. Sadly, that's how we lost little Jimmy, but we made up for it by building this barn in his memory.

Oh...I guess that didn't work out too well, did it.

Via Awkward Family Photos.com

Bad Friggin' Michael Jackson Halloween Costume

2009-09-30T10:37:00.004-04:00

Supposedly Michael Jackson costumes are going to be hot for Halloween this year.

Just not this one.

Here's yet another person who didn't think that putting their personal photos on the Internet would lead to them being posted on some unscrupulous individual's blog.

Bad Friggin' Mugshot Reward

2009-08-28T12:02:00.003-04:00

Wanted: John Mayer's goofy mugshot, for $25,000

Found: by either Smoking Gun or TMZ, depending on who gives a shit

Bad Friggin' Split

2009-08-27T15:53:00.007-04:00

I just want to know how the hell this is possible. It's a simple question, and I'm pretty sure I'll never get an answer, not even a scientific one.

Oh...and do you like bowling alleys?

To the headless dude standing next to he/she/it, here's my advice: I wouldn't wait around to watch he/she/it get back up; it could be life threatening.

h/t: People of Walmart

Bad Friggin' Stripper

2009-07-19T18:51:00.004-04:00

Candi wanted to be a stripper so badly, but club owners always showed her the door because of her size. When she came across Midget-Bing one night, she knew she'd found the place of her dreams. She's been grinding the pole there ever since.

h/t: bluebeerriver

Bad Friggin' Mullets

2009-07-11T07:44:00.008-04:00

It's been a while since I ventured into the unsavory world of mulletry, but I found some choice ones today over at Mullet Junky.

Bobby Jim climbed out of the Porta John, where he'd bathed for the first time in a week, and opened the water bottle in which he'd poured last night's warm leftover Budweiser and let the hot backdraft from Jeff Gordon's stock car dry his hair during each pass around the track.

Eric's first day on the job was ruined when he found out the HR lady would be snapping a photo and posting it on the company website, for mullet enthusiasts everywhere to pass around freely among twisted little blogs like this one.

Ahmed was devastated when his brothers at the mosque called him a retard and banished him. The imam even said, "You're supposed to grow a long beard, not a long mullet. Infidel. Be gone, by the grace of Allah, before we cut off your head!"

Bad Friggin' Family Portrait

2009-07-08T22:45:00.003-04:00

Joey insisted that he wasn't an ass. But when his wife, Pooh, and his Son, Tigger, made him dress up like one for the family portrait, he proved himself infinitely an ass, for all the world to see, on the Internet, forever.

And even Eeyore would appreciate that sarcasm, Joey.

Michael Jackson's Still Important, Except to Me

2009-07-05T21:24:00.002-04:00

In case anyone has forgotten, MJ is still on the minds of many.

Except me...because just the mention of the guy, in addition to bringing up memories of lurid tales of His Freakishness' freakishness, really brings to mind my teenage years, and the person to whom I owe more of my snarkish development than pretty much anyone else on the planet:

Weird Al Yankovic - Eat It
Uploaded by jpdc11. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Or...my personal favorite and (these days) personal fight:

Weird Al Yankovic - I'm Fat
Uploaded by Usher1985. - Click for more funny videos.

Cross-posted at one of my other nutty hangouts, The Big Feed.

Apparently, Dude Didn't Get The Voicemail

2009-07-03T09:06:00.005-04:00

Um...is this the monster truck rally?

Via DragYouToHell, h/t: Conservative Grapevine

Perez Hilton, Black Eyed Please

2009-06-30T15:49:00.003-04:00

I consider this a vast improvement. Too bad Carrie Prejean wasn't around during the Black Eyed Pea beating...to kick him in the nuts.

Oh...that's right...he hasn't any. He's a eunuch.

Via: Freaking News

And the Winner of the World's Ugliest Dog Contest Is...

2009-06-29T06:33:00.006-04:00

Grimm's Ugly Pictures

Not really...but Ms. Mushroom Head would be a good contestant...at least in a Don King look-a-like gig, no?

BTW: Just how can they pick on ugly dogs -- the canine kind -- anyway? That's just wrong. Soooo wrong.

I Don't Want Him, You Can Have Him, He's Too Queer For Me

2009-06-28T13:00:00.006-04:00

Inside the mind of Bill Kaulitz: "Hmm. Let me think. Did I use enough hairspray? Is my eye piercing too cool or what? Will I impress them with my t-shirt? Does my orange jacket look like it came from a Michael Jackson yard sale? Does my guyliner make me look gay?"

So many questions...so little reason to care about the answers.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: that would be "queer" in the correct sense of the word: Eccentric, Bizarre, Nutty, Counterfeit, Worthless....but if you want to take it another way, be my guest.

Bad Friggin' Spider

2009-06-26T15:07:00.004-04:00

This mother, and I do mean mother, is the goods. If I had power like that...well...I wouldn't be taking Friday afternoon off to blog....

h/t: The West Virginia Blogger

The MouthMan Prophecies

2009-06-25T18:51:00.006-04:00

Webshots

1. He who drink too much and leave mouth open wait for fly to come home.

2. Really, man...I mean it...you have to pay for this ride.

3. I don't know what you're thinking, Bob, but no girl's going to think that look's a good come on.

4. Yes, Bob. Your hair is your most attractive feature.

5. I swear. Adam Lambert really didn't win American Idol!

Bad Friggin' Signs

2009-06-10T14:54:00.006-04:00

Little Jimmy's dreams came true.

He was able to pick up a new Silk Spectre II and complete his Watchmen figure collection, then ogle a girl in orange hot pants who looked not so much like her, but Jimmy just didn't care.

Stinky People Have Rights Too

2009-05-22T20:37:00.005-04:00

...so said Sen. Livefree Stumblebum as he introduced his Smelly Rights Bill to Congress, pointing out the penalty for calling the stinky stinky was death by autoerotic asphyxiation.

The measure was expected to pass both houses of Congress tonight unanimously. The president said he will sign the bill next week, after rolling in (more) pig shit.

h/t: Are We Lumberjacks? via Moonbattery

Bad Friggin' Sasquatch Shave

2009-05-22T18:59:00.005-04:00

Ricky didn't want to admit that he was the star of the famous Sasquatch video, but when his shaved image appeared on a website beside Bigfoot himself, there was no denying his past.

"Hey, it was just a role, like this male prostitute thing. It paid the bills back then, better than my gig does now."

h/t: Bits & Pieces

Bad Friggin' Flasher

2009-05-21T11:44:00.003-04:00

Aki didn't intend to become a flasher, but when she started riding the subway to and from school each day, she had to go with the urge.

h/t: uphaa

Like Mother, Like Daughter

2009-05-19T20:34:00.002-04:00

Suki really wanted to tell her stepmother she was into the butch look, but Mother had already forbidden her to cut her hair. This is why on New Year's Day she secretly plans to drug Mother and shave her head and sell the hair for passage on a tramp steamer to Antarctica, where there is a serious tramp shortage due to global warming.

"It Was Like a Dog Meowing"

2009-05-11T18:17:00.003-04:00

That's Simon Cowell's summation of the pipes of this lad (lass?).

Metallica would say he's "The Thing that Should Not Be," even though he can sing circles around most "male sopranos."

Emo Fuck-all

2009-05-09T00:06:00.005-04:00

Sherry, terrified her mother would find out about her new fangs, plucked her eyes out and offered them to a passing duck. The duck demurred to a resident cockroach, who gratefully fed her children while pointing out the slippery slope that came with obtaining nose rings.

Bad Friggin' Ass

2009-05-05T22:01:00.003-04:00

Jerry's mother told him he'd get too fat sitting naked in front of the computer.

But he NEEEVERRRR listened.

Phil Spector Mugshot

2009-04-13T23:12:00.004-04:00

I'm reminded of a ghoul on Scooby Doo. Or of Jacko's twisted face.

Would you like to like to see my smoking gun?

Stripper Pole Fails

2009-04-13T20:50:00.005-04:00

No introduction needed, really...enjoy these bouncing babes:

More funny videos from the "Top 10 Stripper Pole Fails" channel at Heavy.com

From heavy.com.

Drunk Friggin' Hair

2009-04-08T20:42:00.004-04:00

I've been known to sauce it up a bit now and then, these days more so in the privacy of my own home than in the company of others in public. I know how stupid I can look.

Like this guy:

Dude...take my word for it. You don't need ridiculous hair to look like a fool. You've got being a fool down pat, man. Bottoms up!

Mop Hair

2009-04-07T20:32:00.004-04:00

Jeez, Christine Aguilera's career must really suck if she's doing this to herself. Bleached hair...dark makeup...fleshy cheeks...I think that dude's dirty naked foot is in better shape than her. I'll bet his hair doesn't look like a used mop.

PortaJohn

2009-04-04T08:22:00.003-04:00

When you gotta go, why not go as you go? It's certainly just as convenient as this:

Rainbow ZigZag Mohawk Friggin' Hair

2009-03-31T22:59:00.005-04:00

I'm a bad blog daddy. Posting every 5 or 6 or 7 days isn't very indulgent of me. My apologies. My master over at Feed Your ADHD has me tied to a 1932 Royal Signet Serial #E5903 typewriter, banging out all of that domestic terrorist hate speech over there.

Then there's this guy, who's roped me into doing a column called the Weekly WTF?! (for "Washington Total Fails!," you dirty-minded bastard...or bitch!).

The GOOD NEWS is: I have done some research, and found hundreds of photos for your entertainment. So I'll at least try to be more indulgent of you, and post more often.

For starters, there's this:

And I'm not really sure what the hell he's going for. I remember the punker experience being about total nonconformity, so much so that the cuts punkers recorded were bereft of studio enhancement.

I digged that...then. But not now.

I'm not suggesting the guy visit a hair studio...not in this friggin' economy...but I do think it's best for nonconforming rainbow zigzag Mohawk hair guy to find a barber, preferably one with a straight razor, post haste.

Fake Friggin' Body Hair

2009-03-25T19:24:00.003-04:00

Um...I'm sorta...wondering...

WHY???!!!!

"Fashion," or what passes for it, is mysteriously beyond my understanding. I guess I'm just from the 1950s and like my women, ahem, groomed. Even the fake appearance of that much body hair on a woman makes me shudder.

Who dreams this crap up anyway? And better yet, who friggin' pays for it?

I date a girl and she takes off her clothes and shows me THOSE undies, I'll let her date the dog instead.

Miss Frizzy Mohawk

2009-03-19T20:23:00.005-04:00

Stay the hell away from this babe.

She's so hot, she'll fry your nubber to a stubber before she even sees it. She's got AC built in, all 220v, 24/7. She makes a punker jealous. No shaving the sides and slathering Crisco on the rest needed for effect.

Don't plug in! She'll blow your transformer...

...Or, she might be a dandelion running to seed.

Either way, she's a dangerous bird.

h/t: Daily Jocose picdump

Phantom of the Jacko

2009-03-17T21:15:00.005-04:00

X17

WTF?

You'd think Jacko was walking through a sci-fi nightmare, barely trying to survive, hiding from the evil gorgon invaders.

Well...this WAS taken in Hollywood.

HeSheIt gets stranger every day. I wonder if hesheit is really trying to hide the latest plastic surgery behind that mask. I'm betting that nose, by now, looks like a penis.

Bad Friggin' She-Mullet Hair

2009-03-11T22:04:00.004-04:00

We have, of course, the whacked Mayor to thank for this monstrosity.

If I comment further, those dudes with black suits and sunglasses just outside my door are poised to haul me away.

But...

I just can't resist.

So...

The girls on the mat are NOT going to come back to your hotel room. You do NOT classify as groupies. And if you get any closer, security for USA Gymnastics is just going to have to ask you to take a flying leap.

Coolio(Cornholio)'s Bad Friggin' Yarn Hat

2009-03-07T20:35:00.006-05:00

TMZ

WTF?

Coolio either thinks he's the top of the friggin' cocks, as in peacocks, or he's got a thing for black yarn sticking out of his hats.

Maybe he just wanted something on his hat to match his hair.

Who calls them self "Coolio," anyway? You know what it makes me think of?

"I AM CORNHOLIO! I need TP for my bung hole. My bung hole will eat now!"

Fiber Optic Hair

2009-03-06T21:22:00.005-05:00

Please don't tell me this woman will be coming to the door with a Verizon suit to install "Fios" in my home. I'm guessing that would plug me into her bizzare brain?

Didn't this look die with the '80s?

Um....Yey...I'm thinking it did.

Britney Getting Her Bald On

2009-03-01T18:58:00.003-05:00

Oh...do I miss the old days when she was nuts...shaving here...shaving there...shaving everywhere.

Britney Spears Goes Bald - Click here for funny video clips

Shannon Doherty's Hangover Hair vs. Spider Leg Hair Guy

2009-02-26T20:46:00.010-05:00

Freaky. Freaky. Freaky.

I can't decide who is worse.

Shannon Doherty's composite character of Courtney Cruela Addams?

Or this soccer guy right here:

He sure is loco. Um...dude...when you shaved your bald-ass head this morning. You forgot to put your pet spider away. He's still sitting right there, on your forehead. I'm concerned he's going to fall off, and...[obligatory PETA reference insert]...you'll squish him while chasing down the ball.

It's even worse, in my humble opinion, than Shelob the Tarantula.

Yep. I've made my decision. Having bad friggin' hair days myself, now and then, I can forgive Doherty's hangover hair.

But Spider Leg Hair Guy? You take the cake. You win this week's Bad Friggin' Hair award.

Academy Award-Winning Artichoke Dress

2009-02-22T20:38:00.007-05:00

WTF is wrong with this picture?

Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana (whom, I'm proud to say, my kids think is friggin' boring), showed up at the Academy Awards tonight in a dress that looks like an artichoke.

Why be so hateful, Miley? Why aren't you dressed like a tomato? A potato (or po-tat-o)? What have you against squash? Don't you think broccoli and carrots and cauli-for-nia feel left out?

I'm going to call Al Sharpton as soon as I post this. You are egregious and vegacist, and you need to be stopped!

The Amazing Limp-Wristed Terrorist

2009-02-18T21:44:00.006-05:00

C'mon! Now...turn a blind eye.

Jean Akhbar had a VERY bad upbringing. French mom...Islamic dad. He was torn between two worlds...Should I be a white-flag-waving whore? Should I be a cowardly-islamofascist-terrorist?

Decisions...decisions....

When you're this fruity...everything's a mystery. Including where you hide the bomb.

DAMMIT, OSAMA. You didn't teach me this in that Afghani cave. BUT, oh! did I teach YOU a thing or two!

At Long Last! Cousin IT

2009-02-17T21:55:00.004-05:00

I've had a trim...a dye....and a sex change...but I still won't show my face. I'm a shy devil, you see. And I'm hip (cool people wear purple). Who needs to see anyway?

Umm...sir...sir...can you show me where my drink is?

Now...I'm bored. If only Gomez were here to blow up the model trains or something.

Fugly Marilyn

2009-02-15T08:39:00.005-05:00

From TMZ's "Guyliner" series

I think I know why Marilyn Manson (aka Brian Hugh Warner) wears so much makeup. And it has nothing to do with the tradition of shock rock dating back to equally bizarre (but likeable, in a strange way) Alice Cooper:

Marilyn's just plain fugly.

I can dig some of your tunes, Marilyn, being an eclectic wacko who owns plenty of Beethoven and even more Overkill...but look at you I cannot.

I'm Too Sexy for My...Chest Hair

2009-02-14T14:23:00.005-05:00

"I'm...too sexy for my shirt...too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts..."

Sorry, pal...the heart thing makes me want to tear my eyes out.

Bad friggin' idea. Right Said Fred you ain't.

Metal-driving Medusa Hair

2009-02-12T21:26:00.004-05:00

Brain Fair, singer for the metal band Shadow's Fall, has some really whacked out hair.

I'm quite certain I see fangs in those strands. If he's a gorgon, it's troubling that he'd be turning his listeners to stone (particularly in this economy...and with the sad state of affairs in the music industry). Surely his record company would be troubled by dwindling sales...not because the music sucks but because no one's left to buy it.

If I were the band's manager, I'd definitely convince him to go for something more wholesome. There's always the Nikki Sixx smack addict look. Chicks dig that shit, man.

Mr. Mohawk

2009-02-07T10:59:00.004-05:00

Mugshotdujour.com

I always wanted one of these as a kid (a little disclosure: The Sex Pistols and The Clash were among my first favorite bands). Luckily for my Mom, I didn't get one.

She probably would have disowned me. Lord knows I gave her enough other reasons. (And, yes, she stops by here now and then, so I'll avoid the details.)

I wonder if this guy's mom still loves him, particularly since he's now staring (and starring) on mugshotdujour.com and Bad Friggin' Hair.

Probably. Doesn't he have a face only a mother could love?

Goat Head Hair

2009-02-05T14:14:00.006-05:00

Well...to be fair...it's a hat...made out of hair...but still. WHY? Artist Nagi Noda, creator of the hair hats, is nutty as a fruit bat.

Another Nagi Noda creation:

Wholly Friggin' Crap!

OMG! I Like Your Hair

2009-02-02T21:16:00.004-05:00

Pshyeah! Scotty...your scalp itches because you have coutties in your unisex hair....

Here's the youth of today, America. Hope you like your future leaders:

World's Longest Hair?

2009-01-31T20:44:00.007-05:00

Property of AP

Tran Van Hay's hair is sooooooo long, he curls it up and wraps a turban around his head. And this ain't your Osama turban. The Vietnamese man's hair is said to be a world record for men, at 6.3 m (20 ft 7 in)...(he's applied with the Guinness folks, but the length hasn't been verified).

He hasn't cut it in 42 years. He's no doubt displaced a few neck vertebrae by now. Supposedly it's been a decade since his last spritz. That's one greazzzy mess.

I wish I could understand Vietnamese, so I could hear why he would friggin' do such a thing.

If his hair IS verified as the longest, it would put him in rare company, along with this fellow. I'm not sure that's a good thing.

Ray Moon, world's oldest body builder

Men and Friggin' Hair Dye

2009-01-29T23:09:00.006-05:00

I would prefer to start this out with a string of profanities. But...I'll try to be a bit objective.

So, let's look at the face of things:

You look like Blago, but you're way younger. So...there's a plus. (You...um...haven't tried to sell anything lately, eh? You know...like your soul, a racetrack, a Senate seat?)
Is that really your hair or are you just happy to see me? Can hair be that "big" on a man and be real?
How'dja decide which part would be blonde, and which would be red?
Didja think anyone would notice how fucking nutty you look?
How much didja make for posing for this photo? I'll bet it's more than I made slaving for the MAN all this month. It's certainly more than it cost me to write and support this friggin' blog.
Are you really blue-eyed, or are those contacts? Once you color your hair so much, you can't even tell your true color yourself, can you?
How's your mom feel about all this? I'll bet she beats you with a wooden spoon whenever you come home. 'I....DIDN'T....TEACH...YOU...TO...BE...THIS...FLAMBOYANT.'
I'll further bet you like it.
I'll double further bet your mom dresses you.
Dude. Baby blue ties don't go with fake red hair. See: Men's Wearhouse 101.

Crystal Gayle Hair

2009-01-28T20:14:00.008-05:00

Ok.

I just have to know. When you have hair that you can wrap around yourself and go out in the world and appear clothed...just how do you function?

Let's skip the obvious toiletry issues.

Just how in the world do you move around. People step on it. It drags in the mud. Dogs think it's a chew toy and tug on it. Bald people want to kill you.

And why go there, anyway? Do you lock yourself in a room, waiting...reading Cosmo...miming to Rachel Hunter workout tapes...and...wait some more? Do you measure length every day? Every hour? Every minute?

Is it like when you try to lose weight and conveniently misplace the scale, like in the garbage bin? Do you remove all mirrors and rulers and make your husband take his measuring tape to the office?

Doesn't the anticipation just kill you? How long did it grow today? .05 cm. DAMN!

And what do you do if it DOESN'T grow like you thought it would. Do you tug on it to make it longer...until your scalp bleeds?

And if your hair is longer than your sister's...do you have to worry about her sneaking into your room while you sleep and hacking you down to Ellen Degeneres' style?

That's a heavy burden. Heavy indeed.

Oh...and I did promise Crystal Gayle, didn't I?

Holy Crap, Batman. Is that Larry King Hair?

2009-01-27T21:06:00.009-05:00

I don't know what happened to Larry he re, or if this snapshot's even real. (The image appears to be on TV, so it MUST be true!)

I do know this. Bad softball interviewers don't lend themselves to good critiques when you wind up on a dumbass hair blog like this one.

I'm thinking...oh...I don't know...Barron Harkonnen?

No...not quite it. But...

What about?

Bride of Frankenstein?

Oh...yeah. That's it.

If she had a little more color, and were a little more dead, she'd be Larry King's queen.

Awesome Geert Hair

2009-01-25T22:30:00.004-05:00

Now...

Here is some hair you should really get behind, particularly when he's being prosecuted by the Dutch for speaking the truth....

So...give Geert Wilders a little love. Because this hair speaks in defense of liberty.

Glare Hare

2009-01-24T20:16:00.003-05:00

If looks could kill.

Yeah, dude. I'm a little cold right now. Do you think you'd be friggin' happy looking like Howie Mandel?

Can I give you some advice? Go feed an alligator.

I need to crawl under a rug before I freeze my ass off.

Our Gang Hair

2009-01-20T19:36:00.004-05:00

This gal's been around for a while in bad hair land. By far she outlasts Cynthia McKinney in a Crazy Bitch Bingo Static Electricity Contest, I'm betting.

I'm reminded of Our Gang (the Little Rascals, for you uninitiated). I hope she wasn't down in the hole for long. No telling what got living in her hair when she was in.

Aww...Bloody Hell Hair

2009-01-16T23:52:00.002-05:00

Really, Camillia. Does it look like you've tousled my hair a wee bit much? I do so adore our time together, but I'm not quite ready for a prime time prince hanging now, eh?

C'mon an' give me some luv....

Sibling of Tongue Hair

2009-01-14T18:55:00.004-05:00

A while back, I introduced you to Tongue Hair, simply the most hair I'd ever seen on one (presumably) human being, at the time. I thought I'd found the mother hair lode, the lair of all bad hair. (I was even considering shutting down this site...I mean...you can't really top that hair...it's just so...tonguey.)

I should have known. There are more...and there are worse. (And, so, you are stuck with me.) Take this guy/gal. I'm almost ready to accept that she/he's attached a bag of hair to her/his own. You can't really grow tips like that when your hair is 10-feet-long, can you?

Renée Zellweger's Happy Hair

2009-01-12T21:13:00.006-05:00

Daily Mail

For such a pretty woman, Renée Zellweger has some decidedly bad taste. First there's that thing she wore last night, to the Golden Globes.

But...my goodness...I'm devastated by the Happy Hair she displays here (I can expect as much from Cameron Diaz, who's about as goofy as a 6-toed sloth). Is she going '80s or just happy to see a camera?

My faith in Renée is...well...shattered. I'll never look at Mae Braddock (and you can kiss my white behind, Stallone, this IS the greatest boxing movie EVER!) the same again.

Bon Jovi Hair

2009-01-10T18:29:00.004-05:00

Hi. I'm Mickey Rourke. The only reason you're seeing me here is because I've reclaimed my acting career (yet another Bad Friggin' Hair comeback story). You can check me out in the The Wrestler.

But while you're here, don't I look pretty with my Bon Jovi hair? And why am I always holding a small animal in my photos?

The Running Man

2009-01-09T20:48:00.003-05:00

The running man and his Lego hair, brought to you by ObamaChrist. (This cultural criticism is taking me to some strange places, folks).

Bad Friggin' Outfit

2009-01-09T20:20:00.004-05:00

Splash News

Courtney Love is the classic walking disaster. She's who Britney wanted to be (well, before she got all rebounded). She's Lindsay Lohan's inspiration. She was actually quite good as the broken-down, track-marked, life-love of the new bailout wannabe in The People Vs. Larry Flynt, if you like characters who tend to resemble their actors.

Wild thing. I think I love you...I think I...just puked all over my keyboard.

(Tip nod: Mrs. Dr. Dave, aka, Mrs. ADHD. There's always a great woman behind a really friggin' whacked man.)

Memory Hair

2009-01-06T21:50:00.005-05:00

Sometimes a search for bad friggin' hair leads me down memory lane...as in the stone ages...at least when it comes to the Internet. Today I found a "caption this" contest for the UK's Ariadne Magazine with a deadline of November 1, 1996. That must have been prime PC time, as the post warns that "obscene or offensive captions are immediately rejected" (which immediately would have ruled out your stupid narrator).

Note the website was last updated September 11, 1996. Not only is the site not even Web 1.0, the 2008 version isn't all that much better.

Since the poor lad's captions never seem to have been published, why don't we revive the contest here in the comments section?

I'll go first: "It was a dark and stormy night...and my Mom threatened me with a hair cut. I swear that's why I shot her, officer!"

Tongue Hair

2009-01-05T22:50:00.004-05:00

The more I look at this whacky hair, the more I think of a big brown tongue hanging off the back of this chick's (I PRESUME she's a chick) head. Obviously a back sleeper, if you catch the pattern. The stuff's so matted, I can actually see taste buds. This is one case where a call for an iron would be in order.

How much do you think that stuff weighs? Does she have neck trouble just holding it up?

Felonious Hair Assault

2009-01-04T18:54:00.006-05:00

You have to hand it to mugshotdujour -- sweetness is the simplicity of the insult:

Barron Asher was arrested for assaulting us with his hair. In the words of Daniel, who sent this gem to me (thanks again David!), every girl wants to bring him home to mom and dad.

The Lord loves Pippi Longstocking, too...just not in a police lineup. Hope it was worth it. Oh...I'm sorry. Are those tears, or are you just sad to be going back to visit your jailhouse friends?

Ode to Bad Hair

2009-01-02T09:39:00.006-05:00

I'd say publishing a book about about bad hair is even more kooky than publishing a blog about bad hair. At least I can shut it down (or be shut down). The book lives forever in somebody's library, no doubt.

I particularly like the glammy shots of bad interactions with a can of hairspray, and the men who gave up their manhood in the process. So pretty!

Bud Head

2008-12-31T16:09:00.004-05:00

You have to wonder if this guy is growing bud up there. A statement is a statement, but this is too much.

I think this nappy hair needs a comb.

Psst! The shower's this way!

Bad Friggin' Tooth Scene

2008-12-30T23:24:00.006-05:00

There comes a time when a man should deviate from writing about hair, and this is one of them.

"I've never done this on national TV before..." And I'm betting you wish you hadn't, now that you're on every blogger's website west of the Gaza Strip, doll.

You know, I've got bad teeth...or soon to be missing teeth. I'll tell you what, Kirsten Haglund, aka Miss America: I'll look you up when I'm toothless and not so old. Just for some pointers on tooth popping.

And you were expecting Wayne Brady to break into song and dance?

Crazy Bitch Bingo Hair (Ode to Cynthia McKinney)

2008-12-30T21:56:00.005-05:00

Not long ago, a friend of mine ran across a flyer in a major metropolitan area about the game Crazy Bitch Bingo. Needless to say, the fun was occurring long after his bedtime, so he never investigated (but he shared his story...several times).

Looking at the dishonorable former Georgia Congresswoman and...ahem!..."Green Party" Presidential Candidate Cynthia McKinney, I'd like to believe that the winner that night had a shocking look all too similar to the one in this photo.

Then again, maybe that's just Cynthia's reaction to having the yacht she was on rammed by an Israeli naval ship and its crew and cargo called "terrorists" and ordered to turn back to Crete.

Freaky Fashion Femmes

2008-12-29T20:35:00.008-05:00

To be truthful, bad taste is implicit in the term "fashion models," along with anorexia, drug abuse, and NFL boyfriends. But this...well...this is really Bad Friggin' Hair.

These dolls, and I do mean as in "Barbie" (just look how plastic they appear!), have got it all wrong. Freaky hair and funky hats weren't really en vogue last time I walked down the main street of a major city (um, this morning!).

And, Miss Bottom Center, excuse me, but: Is that a crow's ass on your head?

Tennis Ball Head

2008-12-27T08:58:00.003-05:00

There's something seriously wrong with a man who wants to look like a tennis ball. First, he likes tennis. Second, he likes the color yellow.

Who knows, maybe he's just jaundice and I'm really mean for making fun of him. But I have my doubts.

Hell, what do I know? This is probably some movement that I'm too old to know about. Maybe Tennis Ball Heads will become all the rage, the next Emos. Whatever it is, it ain't normal guy stuff; to me, it's just more of the girly men madness talking over the planet.

SmokinObama

2008-12-23T08:45:00.007-05:00

We all keep little secrets about ourselves, even photos we don't want to share. Barack Obama probably didn't want this one to get out. What I really want to know is: What's he smoking?

(Full disclosure: I had a fro bigger than his, but I was only 9, and minors don't count on this website...unless...of course...you're dumb enough to post something like this on the Internet.)

As a matter of fact, I'm sure there's a certain person in Seattle trying right now to find an embarrassing photo of me from college. I'll make sure to post it here when she does.

UPDATE...

Hmm... some Hawaiian punch, perhaps?

Blago...in the Nude...WHY?

2008-12-21T08:48:00.008-05:00

Tom Van Dyke/Chicago Tribune

Bruce Elliot, the Chicago artist who painted Sarah Palin nude and hung the painting in his wife's bar, the Old Town Ale House, has a new project: Painting Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich in the nude.

It's called The Cavity Search.

WTF?

To his credit, at least he got the hair right.

Extreme Bad Hair Day

2008-12-20T12:47:00.003-05:00

I have to say this is probably the worst bad hair day ever recorded on film. It's kinda cruel to post this, but...well...she did put it on the Internet....

UPDATE...

So what if it's an act...it's still a friggin' riot.

My Man Linc

2008-12-19T21:57:00.009-05:00

If you were a kid in the '70s and early '80s and didn't eventually see every episode of "The Mod Squad" after school, you had evil parents who wouldn't buy a TV. My all-time favorite character was Linc. He bled cool. The man was Superfly. He made Sidney Poitier look like Archie Bunker.

No way can I beat up on this guy. A fro this big has my first and only Great Friggin' Hair award.

Attack of the Human Tarantula

2008-12-19T21:49:00.006-05:00

I have to say, I'm afraid of this gal. I suspect she has an Uzi stashed in that ample head of hair. She reminds me of Shelob, the giant spider in "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King." The more I look at her, the more I'm certain she's going to whip out a giant stinger and make me her lunch.

Pee Wee's Big Adventure

2008-12-18T23:17:00.008-05:00

Paul Reubens (aka, Pee Wee Herman) never could get over portraying an effeminate bizarre man with so much grease in his hair he looked like he'd come from a womb....And then there's the fact that he rode a tricked out bicycle and hung out with little children.

Especially after that little incident at the movies.

Imagine having to get into character in 2003, as he did below. Bluetooth and all. Oh My Gosh!

Treehead...or...Bullwinkle?

2008-12-18T22:19:00.007-05:00

Why is it that some people insist on being so unique they disrespect good, law-abiding creatures, such as a tree (or Bullwinkle, I'm really not friggin' sure what's going on here).

The only thing I do know is that I'm locking my doors right now...well...just as soon as I stop typing and post this damned nonsense. "Hey. Honey? Where's the chainsaw?"

Britney's Good Ole Days

2008-12-17T21:18:00.008-05:00

You know, I love a good success story, particularly those of the fallen idol risen again. But...damn...it's just not the same having Britney Spears back in action, all clean and proper, not showing her nature (and nature parts...that is, wearing underwear) and hiding her roots.

Gosh, I pine for the old days of bedlam. A star's self-degradation is a thing of beauty. After all, it comes around once every 5 seconds or so. What was it Yeats said? Oh. That's right: "What rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?"

I guess we're left with nothing except to tune in for the next movie of the week. Speaking of which: Hey, Lindsay? When's your next escapade? I'm getting bored over here watching a comeback.

What's With The Color Orange, Already?

2008-12-17T21:00:00.008-05:00

I don't know what it is about women and the color orange. Why one would wear orange clothing is a mystery; why one would dye her hair orange...and only some of it...is a friggin secret floating through the universe inside some space junk.

Here we have Alexis Gadson, courtesy of mugshotdujour. She's got such a face a mother could love, don't she? "Don'chu come up inheya and take no picture of me!"

[By the way, I'm an equal opportunity offender offender. Just ask our friend Trevor Newbauer.]

Fairly Normal '80s Chick

2008-12-16T22:23:00.003-05:00

If you survived the '80s, you've probably dated this girl. I know I did...about a dozen different times. I think her name was Candi. Oh. That's right. They were a dozen different girls with the same hair.

Orange You Glad She's a Mess?

2008-12-16T11:38:00.004-05:00

David Tonnesson/Pacific Coast News

Jeez...that's one wild do, Tori. Did you stand under the candy coating dumper in the M&M factory, or were you planning to wear your Halloween costume for a year?

Holy Friggin' Girly Boy

2008-12-15T21:23:00.005-05:00

You know, I hate it when men forget to be men. What's the point of looking like a girl when you...well...look like a girl? Fact is, Emos spend so much time trying to be different -- BY LOOKING LIKE EVERY OTHER EMO -- that they defeat the purpose of being different. (Not to mention slighting the male race, as I've written elsewhere.)

Want to be different? For your generation? Get a friggin' job and pay your way through college.